


A Really Happy Ending

by Trista_zevkia



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Group Sex, Knotting, M/M, Magical Healing Cock, Multi, Sex is the Cure, capping, fun with science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 21:46:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trista_zevkia/pseuds/Trista_zevkia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are weirder things out there then knotting. Trust Jim to find them, and expect Bones to fix it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Really Happy Ending

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chimera-ally](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=chimera-ally).



> **Disclaimer:** All this happened, more or less  
> Previously posted on LJ.

Jim’s eyes were open, so he figured he hadn’t actually passed out, but he had no idea where he was or what he was doing. And he was doing lots of things, and while his eyes looked for light, he tried to figure it out. Stretched out on his left side his hands were over his head and, milking a squishy cow? Farm boy that he was, Jim knew cows got cranky when the milking process was interrupted, so he kept up the motion. The pounding in his head wouldn’t be helped by a hoof to the head. 

Whatever he was licking was rough, with deep groves but tasted like mangos. The juice was probably keeping his tongue from getting dry, so he kept licking as he took in his situation. Something was wrapped around his dick, something soft and cool. He was aroused, but this thing wasn’t moving or doing anything to finish him off. Why would he be trying to have sex with one of the jell packs they used for transporting fragile goods? While milking a cow and licking a mango? 

Jim would have sworn he was on his side, on a rough, unyielding surface, but why would there be a carpet against his back? A carpet pushing something sizable in his ass? And his eyes weren’t much help in this darkness, so Jim stopped licking to shake his head in an effort to clear it. 

“Human whore, do not desist!” 

The mango was talking to him? Talking in the universal voice of a being about to be denied an orgasm. Oh hell, he was having sex with a group of aliens again. Not a good sign, but he wasn’t bound, so he must have agreed to it at some point. Best way out of it was a happy ending, so Jim went back to licking the mango. When he found a nub that made to mango cry out, Jim sucked on it. He was rewarded with a mouthful of mango juice, refreshing enough that he swallowed it as the mango was removed. 

Milking the squishy cow was awkward at this angle, because he was definitely on his side. Crooking his right leg around the jell pack on his dick, Jim held that creature to him and angled toward his stomach. The carpet rolled with him, but liked this new position, if the increase in speed was anything to go by. Now he could put the two long nipples of the cow he was milking in one hand. While his left hand continued to milk, the right hand found the ends to rub together. 

The carpet was pounding into him, completely missing the prostate with a short but thick penis, but it also shoved the jell pack into the surface under them. The jell pack was warming up, providing him with a pleasant sensation a last. A shriek brought his attention back to his hands, which were being covered in fluid. As the squishy cow slipped away, Jim brought his gooey right hand to grab the ass of the carpet behind him. At least he hoped he was squeezing an ass, it was so hard to tell on a roll of carpet. 

Squeezing some carpet and being thrust into, Jim tried to enjoy this. Get lost in the sensations instead of thinking about things. He’d mostly succeeded, since he really liked sex and could go for it almost anywhere, when the jell pack tightened and cooled off. Jim clenched everything against the sudden chill, and felt the carpet finish inside of him. The jell pack eased off, but the carpet was still hard inside him. Jim was left without stimulation and a hard-on. 

“Human whore, I wish to see you finish before I pay.” The deep voice of the mango was calm now, having received its happy ending. 

Jim didn’t know why he was getting paid, but the mango’s request fit in with his desire for a happy ending. Rolling onto his back put the carpet under him, as it hadn’t softened yet, Jim just closed his eyes and pretended he was on a deep, plush rug. Since he was pretending, it was easy to pretend that it wasn’t the mango watching, but a certain half alien with a deep voice. Easy to pretend that Spock would watch Jim masturbate on a nice rug, and thinking dirty thoughts in his giant brain. Maybe Spock would pull out his top-secret Vulcan penis, stoking himself so that he came with Jim, on Jim! 

The image had Jim arching up as he came, but the carpet moved with him, swelling even more inside him. Collapsing back down on the carpet, Jim felt empty, even with his anus stuffed. Seeing Spock’s cock was only a pipe dream after all. 

“Magnificent!” The mango was apparently pleased with his show. “You have won your bets.” 

“Bets?” Jim latched onto the word, as winning a bet was much better then whoring. Wasn’t it? Jim opened his eyes, and closed them against the assault of light. 

“10,000 credits for taking us all.” A clinking noise made Jim squint and look. Credits were being dumped into the beer glass he’d probably been drinking out of. There were already a bunch in there. 

“I will pay after I soften.” Spoke a fuzzy voice under Jim, confirming what he suspected about the carpet. The carpet was knotted and not about to give up its position for some time. 

“10,000 credits for finishing last.” More clinking, and Jim looked at the mango putting them in. About seven feet tall, the alien’s knee was damp and glowing. Apparently the mango people kept their genitalia in their knees. He’d have to remember that if he ever had to fight one of them. 

“I thought I had you on that one, but you beat me.” A feminine voice, but somehow Jim knew it was the jell pack speaking. “I’ve never enjoyed losing more.” 

More credits clanked into the glass, and the gelatinous female began to move toward the door. A short being with a squid for a head, thrust its face into Jim’s view. Jim guessed it was his squishy cow. 

“My people have a taboo against what you did, rubbing the ends together.” The mechanical voice came through a translator pendent, so Jim didn’t know which sex might be about to start beating on him. 

With a carpet knotted up in him, his defense options were limited. “I didn’t know that.” 

“It was wonderful, and I shall teach my people your technique.” 

“That sounds nice.” Jim tried to look pleased as he said it. 

“Human Jim’s masturbation method will be very popular.” The alien dropped its credits, and squished away. 

All Jim could think of to say to that was ‘please don’t let Bones hear about that!’ He kept his mouth shut. 

“I too shall tell my people the wonders of having sex with humans.” The carpet added, not really helping matters. “So open to new things. We would never copulate without planning for pregnancy, but using other males negates that need.” 

“Not all humans are quite as open as I am.” Jim offered while looking around. The back room of a seedy bar, a room reserved for illegal, high stakes games. They’d been playing a card game, so how had Jim wound up with carpet burn on his back? 

“The grey one spent all night trying to make you angry, but you only fought back when he challenged you. Are all humans like that?” 

“No. Some anger easily, some run from challenges.” The grey one wasn’t much of a description, but it was triggering Jim’s memory. Large grey head, large eyes, tiny mouth. 

“Humans all have sex though?” 

“Most, I can’t speak for everybody.” And after convincing a bunch of aliens your species were the sluts of the galaxy, who would feel like explaining asexual humans, monks, nuns and abstinence? “The grey one started this then?” 

“You emptied his pockets during the game. He bet 2,000 credits he had a longer reproductive organ. You laughed, he upped the stakes. 4,000 credits that you couldn’t fit his arousal in you. You doubled down, and needed another better. Most of us would not go for it, thinking you were only trying to call his bluff. But then you shared that bottle with us. Now you are considerably richer, though you do not seem to remember it.” 

“Yeah, it was that moonshine I was drinking. A birthday gift from an engineer in need of a beating.” 

“May I have more of it before you beat him?” 

“Sorry man, that stuff’s too powerful to be unleashed on the universe.” Especially in the hands of a being who has just discovered the joys of homosexual and interspecies sex, Jim thought but didn’t say. Probably not a good idea to piss off the guy stuck in your rectum, at least not too much. “This grey guy left?” 

“He finished first, and I believe he left without paying the 20,000 credits.” 

“Still made a good haul tonight.” Money he’d give to some charity, with a prayer that none of his partners would connect him with Starfleet. 

“Yes, stay positive Diamond Jim.” 

Jim winced, nothing good ever happened when he went by that alias. 

“The grey one will get his due in the end.” 

“Wait, you said I doubled down to get you involved. So where exactly did the grey one fit into all this?” 

“He started it all.” The carpet was confused, thinking he’d just said that. 

“I mean, where did I copulate with him, in relation to body placement?” 

“Ah! The same hole I am in. Though he was longer than I and shorter than you, he was much smaller around and I barely felt him.” 

Jim closed his eyes a silently swore the worst words he knew. “As long as it didn’t bother you.” 

“I enjoyed the idea, and wish to try it again.” The carpet made a noise that sounded curious to Jim. “Have you someone nearby who would join us?” 

Eyes still closed, Jim reminded himself about not pissing off the guy stuck in his rectum. If he pulled out before softening, he could seriously hurt Jim. “I thought you were done?” 

“If my glans is stimulated while grown like it is, it will need release again. With another rubbing against me within you, we could stay here until I need to feed again.” The carpet was trying to be seductive as he said this, bringing his hands up to stroke Jim’s naked body. 

“And when do you need to feed again?” 

“Seven days if I am not very active, but around you I may only last three days.” 

“Well, that is quite a complement, but I have an appointment.” 

“I am wealthy, if that’s what it takes.” 

“It’s tempting, three days of sex, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t break this appointment.” Some appointment, returning to his ship with more than his tail tucked between his legs. 

“Pity. Perhaps I should sleep now. I will soften faster, but you will have no one to talk to.” 

“That’s okay. I could use some sleep too.” 

“Perhaps you should stay awake and consider this offer.” The carpet’s fuzzy hands moved to stroke Jim’s cock, to better emphasizes his point. “If you could take two of me, I would install you on my ship. My all male crew would keep you in a state of constant arousal. You would revolutionize space travel for my people, be a hero to us all!” 

The words didn’t hide the swelling in the carpet’s knot, and Jim had to force himself to relax with it. Grabbing the alien’s roaming hands, Jim folded them up across his chest and held them there. “You go to sleep, so I can consider your offer with a clear head.” 

The carpet gave a purring noise that Jim took as pleased, and said no more. 

Even with his head pounding out the hangover symphony on kettle drums, Jim could reject the offer. Years ago, a lonely boy in Iowa might have accepted, but he’d changed since then. He’d found a use for the intellect that made him an outsider there. He’d earned some of the highest honors around, including command of the Enterprise. There was only one honor he couldn’t get, the same one that had him celebrating his birthday alone. Spock respected him, but nothing more. 

A year and a half after he split with Uhura, and Spock hadn’t touched anybody. After that first half year, Jim decided Vulcans didn’t do rebound sex, and set out to get Spock for himself. Not the first thing Jim had failed at, but the most spectacular so far. And apparently, that idiotic, lonely farm boy who would have considered the job as a sex toy was making a comeback. What was the point of growing up if you were more alone than ever? 

He’d taken his birthday hooch and hit the planet for 12 hours of R&R, hoping to forget about Spock. He’d found the game in under an hour, but hoped it had taken longer than that to talk them into an orgy. Iowa Jim was good at interspecies sex, and getting people to pay him for it. Diamond Jim gambled until he won or lost everything, and Iowa Jim was needed to seduce his way out of it. He was doing his best to be Spock’s Jim, and coming up short. Maybe he really should consider the carpet’s offer. 

Thinking about the carpet, Jim concentrated on the feeling in his ass. The carpet was still big, but it didn’t feel too big. Hoping for the best, Jim put his feet on either side of the carpet, knees bent, and pushed. A moment of friction, but he came off without any pain or waking the carpet. Jim threw himself into a roll off the carpet, who grunted behind him. Free at last, Jim grabbed his civilian clothes and dressed. 

He grabbed the money, not wanting the carpet to wonder why he left it or try to look for him. The communicator was still safely stored in a pocket, but Jim decided to leave the bar before he called so nobody would connect him to this location. As a last thought, Jim grabbed the bottle he’d brought, hoping the recipe would never be duplicated. His ass hurt, protesting each step, otherwise Jim would have run out of the bar. He didn’t care so much about his dignity so much as getting away from Iowa Jim. 

**J <3S **

Jim had beamed up four hours before his leave was up, so Bones wasn’t waiting with his bag of tricks. Instead, Jim had made do with the hangover treatment stashed in his quarters, a shower and some sleep. Another shower, a gallon of coffee, and he’d made it to the bridge for his shift. Everyone was accounted for, all back from the short R&R, so they broke orbit. In charted Federation space they were as safe as they got, so Jim was bored. He hoped to subtly nap in his chair, but he couldn’t get comfortable. 

He paced around the bridge but wasn’t able to get settled when he tired of walking. Shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek, Jim tried to find the words to describe how he felt. Still sore from being stretched, but also full. Perhaps he was constipated? Not a pleasant subject but an important one. He’d had a light meal on the ship before going down to the planet, but hadn’t eaten on the planet before finding the game. No breakfast today, and lunch time was almost here and he still wasn’t hungry. 

He should go see Bones, but wasn’t the perfect time to diet when you had no appetite? Almost convinced this is what Bones would want, Jim decided to wait. He skipped lunch and paced around the bridge until about two hours before the end of alpha shift. His stomach rumbled for a while, but he still wasn’t hungry. When the burping started, it wasn’t too bad, but it increased in frequency. An hour before end of shift, he burped with every other breath and tasted acid. 

Jim admitted something was wrong, and he needed to suck it up and see Bones. Then he was going to puke on every carpet he saw for the rest of his life. “Mr. Spock, you have the con.” 

“Aye Sir.” 

The speed of Spock’s response made Jim suspect Spock knew he wasn’t feeling well but instead of asking, Jim got in the turbolift. When he entered sick bay, Bones looked up from the table he was working at and nudged Chapel beside him. She looked and rolled her eyes. 

“What’s going on?” Jim asked, even though his instincts said he didn’t want to know. 

“Christine said you wouldn’t need our services after only twelve hours of R&R, I thought you might.” 

“And how much was your thinking worth?” 

Bones shrugged, but Chapel answered while blushing a little. “Five credits for you showing up, another five for what’s wrong.” 

“Then you don’t owe Bones any money, because it’s not an STD.” 

“Damn it.” McCoy muttered. “Then what is it?” 

“Constipation.” Jim said in a much softer voice than the one that declared him STD free. 

“Pack enough up you rectum, it can lead to that.” Bones said with just a little too much enthusiasm. 

“But it still doesn’t qualify as an STD, Doctor.” Chapel cut in, clearly not wanting to part with her credits. 

“Fine. You keep at this, I’ll figure out what is wrong with our fearless leader.” Bones started for the private areas of sick bay and Jim followed. 

Jim wasn’t surprised to see the paper clothing of medical set out for him. “I’m just a little bound up, I don’t need a full exam for that.” 

Bones turned, doubtless to remind Jim who was the doctor here, and Jim burped in his face. 

“Sorry Bones.” The comment was ignored as Bones was sniffing. More than a little grossed out, Jim asked. “Like my new perfume?” 

“Doesn’t smell like food, so change your clothes.” 

With a sigh, Jim did as he was told and ignored the medical scanner whirring around him. Once he was changed, he waited until Bones said something before sitting down. He didn’t really want Bones to know how bad off he was. 

“Don’t bother sitting down, it’s straight to the proctology stool for you.” 

“Is that necessary?” 

As if by magic, a hypo appeared in Bones’ hand. An unvoiced question, asking if Jim wanted to go easy or hard. 

“Okay, I’m going.” Pants down, and ass hiked in the air, Jim waited for Bones’ speech about taking care of himself and eating better. Instead there was a long enough silence that Jim had to break or go crazy. “What’s got your attention back there?” 

“The first time I met you I had a hunch you’d make life interesting, but this is ridiculous.” Bones was spreading Jim as he spoke, with something metallic and cold. 

“Tell me what’s wrong so I won’t do it again.” Jim thought it was a reasonable statement, but a sudden pain made him gasp before he could get an answer. The spreading stopped and Jim heard the dermal regenerator start up. It wasn’t on for very long before it was set aside. Jim felt like Bones was scraping at something in there, and then the stretcher shrank to be pulled out. Jim took a deep breath before he realized he’d been holding his breath. 

“Okay Jim, apparently you need lecture 42 again.” 

“There are better ways to test for food allergies than feeding things to Chekov?” 

“No, that’s lecture 142. 42 is researching a species before you fuck it.” 

“I always thought that one should have been higher on the list.” 

“These are in chronological order, not importance, and you wasted that first year at the academy on things other than sex.” 

“What was I thinking?” Jim asked with as much shock and innocence as he could muster, thoroughly deserving the smack on the ass Bones gave him. 

“I don’t know who you were messing with, but he, I’m assuming it was a he and not a she with an object, stretched you too quickly. Not enough to damage you permanently, nothing I couldn’t fix. Except, and here’s the part where my lectures get proven true, he capped you.” 

“He what?” 

“That’s it, I’m starting you on a educational program! Biological and reproductive facts of a new species every day, tests once a week. Fail a test and I use my medical authority to relieve you of command.” 

“And while you plan the curriculum, can I get off this stupid chair?” 

“Like you can sit with a wad of wax up there!” 

“Wax?” Jim twisted his torso to see if Bones was joking. 

Bones was amused, but he wasn’t joking. “Some promiscuous species produce a wax like substance. After ejaculating, they squirt this wax to block the vagina so other sperm can’t get to the egg. Some Earth whales do this, but I really hope you weren’t with a whale.” 

“No whales, but maybe there were two different species involved.” 

“Lord love a duck!” 

“How do you know all this stuff anyway?” 

“Because I’m a pervert. But compared to you, I’m only a tiny pervert.” 

“Funny. Now can you get rid of the wax?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Maybe?” 

“It would help if I had a species to start with.” 

“The big one who knotted, looked like a shag carpet over a round body. The capper was probably grey, with a big head.” 

“Jim, I say this with all love and respect. Get the hell out of my Sick bay!” 

“I’ve been good for a long time!” 

“Only because you were…” Bones trailed off, his right eyebrow rising as his left eye squinted. The left half of his mouth curled into a smile as his head crooked to the right. 

Panic coiled up and settled in for a long stay in Jim’s stomach. “Bones, what are you thinking?” 

“Just figuring out how to fix you this time. Go lay down, and take yourself off your next shift.” 

“Come on Bones, explain that look.” 

“Go away, I’ve got work to do.” Bones stomped out, leaving Jim to get off the chair. 

By the time Jim changed, Bones was deep in his research. Worried enough to sweat, Jim retreated from the mad scientist hidden in his friend. He could trust Bones with his life, right? 

**J <3S **

Science was fascinating, even when it was just an excuse to read something the genius you were in love with wrote. Trouble was, it was really hard to focus with a wad of wax in his ass. Lying on his stomach made him burp bile. Lying on his side provided relief, in that he burped acid instead. Lying on his back made him feel the wax and imagine confused grey guy sperm hanging out there, drinking tiny glasses of moonshine. Jim felt like everything he ever ate was blocked at the main exit and trying to back out the entrance. The door chime had him bouncing to his bare feet even as he called out. 

“Come! It’s about damn time…” Jim trailed of when the door didn’t show Bones. 

“Dr. McCoy did not indicate the matter was urgent when he requested my presence.” 

“Sorry, Spock. I thought you were him, and I didn’t know he called you. Um, why did he call you?” 

“He would not specify, but seemed pleased about something.” 

“I don’t like the sound of that.” 

“Shall I locate him?” 

“No, he’ll be here.” A sigh, and Jim realized Spock was still standing in the doorway. Jim stepped away from the door and gesture to the chessboard. “How about some chess while we wait?” 

“That would be acceptable.” A small nod, and Spock moved to sit in his regular seat. 

“Do you mind if I pace while we play?” 

“Jim, do you, in fact, have ants in your pants?” Spock asked while setting up the board. 

“What?” 

“An expression my Mother used when I was young enough to have trouble meditating. It references the inability to sit still, as if you were fighting a colony of ants that had entered you trousers.” 

“I’m familiar with it, just surprised.” 

Spock looked up from the board to look too deeply into Jim’s soul for comfort. “You have been exhibiting symptoms of agitation since you returned from the planet.” 

“I’m not agitated, just having trouble getting comfortable.” 

“Are you injured?” 

The door chime should have been a relief, a break in a disturbing conversation. Except Bones was on the other side, Bones ‘What’s Too Much Information?’ McCoy. This was proved when the door opened before Jim could get up the courage to admit him. 

“Love that Medical Override.” Bones smirked as he walked in and set an old fashioned doctor’s bag in front of the computer monitor. 

“Bones. Spock beat you here and was asking about my health.” 

“Well, your digested food has nowhere to go, so if we don’t fix it you could die choking on your own shit, but other than that you’re fine.” 

“Bones, all love and respect, but fix this or I’m beaming you into space.” 

“That’s why I brought my little black bag of medical doodads.” Bones said, pointing to his bag. 

“I’m feeling better already!” 

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and my field of expertise. So knock it off.” 

Jim held up a hand of surrender, and waited. 

“That’s better.” Bones said before turning to Spock. “Our fearless leader, in his effort to die as sexily as possible, 

“Hey!” Jim’s protest was ignored by both scientists. 

“Went and mixed his species. One stretched him while the other filled him with sperm and an organic wax sperm cap.” 

“Similar to what some Earth species do to prevent other males from impregnating the female.” 

“Which, apparently, Jim was the only one in this room who had never heard of that.” 

Jim protested by letting his heavy head thunk against the wall behind him. 

“As this is not a function of human anatomy,” Spock’s words made Jim perk up. Surely Spock wouldn’t blame him for what he didn’t know! “Jim lacks the proper enzymes to dissolve this substance.” 

Jim decided slamming his head against the wall actually made him feel better. 

“So I have to remove this cap, and here is where you should start paying attention Jim.” Bones turned to frown at his patient, as if the head slamming wasn’t proof that Jim was listening. “The skin stretched, the wax coated it and was allowed to dry on the stretched skin. When the knot was removed and you shrank, the wax didn’t let you shrink properly. Some parts of your skin closed over the thinner streaks of wax. Some parts didn’t shrink, and are being held open by wax. So all your parts down there are fucked up.” 

“At least I don’t have to wade through the technical terms with you, Bones.” 

“And I provide solutions to more problems than your physical health. I expect to be aptly rewarded, or else I use your name in the article.” 

Jim tried it again and found the head slamming wasn’t working anymore, not with Spock sitting there, staring with his dark eyes. 

“So you needed to be relaxed, gently stretched, and have the wax removed. I had to figure out how to do this with a grey guy description instead of species and the tiny sample I could get without damaging you further.” 

“I’ll get you a bottle of Scotty’s making if you don’t hurry up and get to the fixing me part of this!” Jim’s threat didn’t go over too well, as Bones kept talking. 

“I had to explain the situation to Spock and let you know this wasn’t easy. I can take my solution and go, if you think you can do better. You know, before that whole drowning in your own shit thing.” 

“I’m sorry. You’re a genius and I respect and love you.” 

“Yeah, it’s who you love and won’t admit it to that got you in this mess.” 

“Bones!” This protest wasn’t ignored, as Bones sent him a smug look. 

“Gentlemen,” Spock interrupted, making Jim a little dizzy. Jim was supposed to break up fights between Spock and Bones, not Spock breaking up his fight with Bones. “Perhaps we should look to effecting the solution before fighting over the cause.” 

“Right you are, and here are my solutions.” Bones took a moment to mess around in his bag before he walked over behind the monitor. Now both Jim and Spock could see him as he pulled things out of his bag. First was a surgical towel to lay things on. 

“Option one. A muscle relaxer.” This came with a hypo to be laid on the towel. The next object was laid beside it. “Then stretching you with the anal speculum. And using this to heat up the wax enough to burn you.” 

Jim really hoped Bones was joking about the curling iron. 

“This will scrape off the wax, layer by layer.” The item Bones pulled out looked like a small dildo with lasers and a hundred tiny razor blades on mechanical arms. “If I go carefully, it’ll probably take ten hours to get down to the skin that closed around the wax.” 

Jim’s ass was clenching in an effort to crush the wax and protect itself, but the wax was unyielding. Jim didn’t want to see the next thing that would be pulled from the bag and frantically tried to think of another solution. 

“Doctor,” hope flared, as Jim knew Spock was coming to his rescue. “I find this option to be troublesome.” 

Jim looked closely, and thought Spock’s eyes were wide, as if he was worried about the objects that were supposed to be going inside his captain. 

“You did label it option one, so may we hear option two?” 

With a heavy sigh, Bones reached into his bag. He could have been searching for his next item, but Jim just knew Bones was drawing out the tension. At long last, Bones pulled his hand out of the bag and set a 12 oz jar on the towel. 

“Bones!” Jim protested in exasperation. 

“Take it easy, let me explain what’s so bad about option two before you get all Kirky.” 

“Kirky?” Both Spock and Jim asked, but Bones turned to Spock. 

“Option two is where you come in, Mister Spock.” 

“I thought I was here to be informed of the situation, so I would be ready to take command if needed.” 

“Like I even think about that when I have a patient.” Bones paused to roll his eyes. “Spock, you know what happens when you mix baking soda and vinegar.” 

“Yes, a common reaction when mixing acids and bases.” 

“This is an acidic jell that needs to be applied to the wax, and then mixed with a base.” 

“Which will break the bonds of the wax, allowing it to drain out of the Captain.” 

“And in order for the jell to be applied it has to be formulated to not interact with Jim’s pH.” 

“So you require an applicator with a different pH that will apply the jell on all available surfaces before injecting the base.” 

“Right. And I could get Scotty to make something, or just use a tool that naturally does the same thing, like you.” 

Jim almost protested Bones calling Spock a natural tool, but was distracted by the flash of green blood to the tips of Spock’s ears. Was Spock blushing? At what? 

“It’ll take several applications since I couldn’t calibrate it exactly to your hybrid anatomy. But it’s up to you. Option one or option two?” 

“It’s my ass, so isn’t it up to me?” Jim demanded, more to protect a blushing Spock than anything. 

“Jim, if you could make a good decision about your ass, would we be here?” 

“I was blind drunk on Scotty’s moonshine! Two shots and I couldn’t see, three shots and my brain abandoned ship just long enough to get me in this mess!” 

“You didn’t tell me about the blindness!” Bones must have had the scanner up his sleeve, considering how fast he had it up to Jim’s head. 

“It cleared up. Why is Scotty even still making that stuff?” More exasperated than questioning, Jim wanted to know why he thought it was a good idea to drink it. 

“As second in command, it is my duty to put a stop to it.” Spock spoke from his seat, and Jim felt guilty for his earlier outburst. “However, during my attempts to locate the distillery, I found an anomaly I wished to investigate.” 

“You were so curious about something you let Scotty break regulations?” 

“It would seem the engines are more efficient while Mr. Scott’s still is running.” 

“More efficient?” 

“By 9.48%.”

“Ten percent more efficient while he’s diverting resources?” Jim considered that an anomaly worth keeping. “Alright, we’ll just have to find another use for it than drinking.” 

“A highly logical solution.” 

“When you two are ready, Jim’s ass is a waiting.” 

“I took your continued presence to indicate that there was more for you to do.” Spock politely telling Bones to get out and bringing Jim back to this confusing situation. 

“I’m the genius who came up with this, and doctor to you both. I get to watch.” 

“Watch what?” Jim’s voice might have hit an unmanly register in his irritation. 

“Jim, Vulcan body’s have a higher pH then humans.” Spock’s ears were now entirely green, but he pressed on. “McCoy wants to use my ejaculate to activate the enzymes in the jell compound.” 

Jim blushed, knowing he heard that wrong, his gutter dwelling brain telling him what he wanted to hear. 

“Bareback anal sex, Jim.” Bones added, just in case there was any confusion still. 

“I have never needed to sit down more in my life.” Jim muttered as his knees trembled under him. “Wait! Spock, you agreed to that?” 

The green blush spread from his ears to the sides of his head. “It is the most efficient solution.” 

“Bones, you’re not observing this procedure.” Jim was surprised at the command, spoken before he could even tell himself not to blow this chance. 

“Come on Jim, us perverts have to stick together.” 

“Get out or I’ll lock you in the brig until we’re done.” 

“Fine, see if I ever help again.” Bones muttered as he thrust instruments into the bag, grabbing the acid jell to shove it into Spock’s hand. “Make Jim sit up for at least twenty minutes between applications, for drainage.” 

Bones stomped out and Jim locked the door. But then he was alone with Spock, and expected to have sex with him. And yes, Jim had wanted this opportunity for so long the ache was a permanent part of him, but to do it as a medical procedure? To make the healing power of cock part of the medical literature? No. Jim wouldn’t use Spock. He’s use one of the toys under his bed and alter the chemical compound of the jell. Decided, firm in his resolve, Jim turned to share it with Spock. 

A barefoot Spock who was folding his tunic, in his black undershirt and black pants. A heavy swallow and Jim started to speak, but Spock pulled off the black undershirt. Jim pulled off both his shirts in one yank and reached for his pants. By the time Spock’s underwear showed up, Jim was naked and not going to pass up this opportunity. As Spock reached for his underwear, Jim made a note to find out what species he’d been with; in case he ever needed this treatment again he could find the appropriate disease. 

Spock kept his back to Jim as he folded his underwear and picked up the jar again. Spock stared at it, as if hoping for instructions. 

“Sit on the bed, let me help you with that.” Jim couldn’t decide if it was a command or a request, but Spock obeyed. Jim sat facing him but with his right knee bent in front of him. He was hoping Spock would think his dick was resting on his leg, not half hard already from the sight of Spock’s naked backside. 

“Acidic lube, that’s a new one on me. Hope it works the same, coats the fingers so I can use them to stretch me.” Actions matched words, Jim warmed the jell in his hands before spreading it down Spock’s long fingers. Jim was trying not to babble, but he was also trying not to stare at Spock’s double ridged cock as he did so. The babbling was much less important, but Jim couldn’t stop either one. 

“I understand the mechanics, so you do not need to fear for your safety.” 

“Please, you and Bones do all the worrying about my safety. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable, as I’m about to touch your penis. This is way beyond the call of duty, you know.” 

“I am aware,” Spock probably meant to say more than that, but Jim started lubing his cock. 

In the silence Jim looked up, only to have to look back down to follow Spock’s line of sight. He was watching Jim’s growing desire, eyes sharp and focused. Jim went back to watching Spock harden, kept stroking Spock long after the medicine was applied. 

“Jim, perhaps you should choose which position you would prefer?” Spock’s voice had a new resonance to it, one that shot daggers of lust into Jim’s groin. 

“I like it face to face, but these guys were behind me.” Jim really hoped Spock didn’t ask why he wasn’t doing it his preferred way. If Spock’s opinion of Jim could get any lower, a full description of that night would do it. 

“We should begin with me behind you then.” 

It was logical, but Jim used the action to hide his disappointment. He wanted to see Spock do this to him. Jim snagged a pillow and used it to get his hips tilted, hiking his ass up for Spock to access. A finger touched him, and found only tight butt muscles. 

“Jim you are too tense for this to work without further injury.” 

“Pardon me for not being as big a slut as everyone thinks I am!” 

“Your promiscuity does not define you.” Spock let his fingers drift over Jim’s ass and thighs, raising gooseflesh. 

“You don’t think I’m a slut?” 

“Quite the contrary. I believe you have made your biology a source of pleasure that is only given expression when it is safe to do so. Never has your pleasure interfered with the running of the ship.” Spock’s hand drifted between Jim’s legs, finding his balls. Spock rubbed there for a while, before reaching for Jim’s cock. 

Jim leaked pre-cum from the first touch, but Spock didn’t stop there. 

He stroked the cock from base to tip, let go completely, only to fondle the balls and repeat. Jim relaxed so much, he forgot about his ass until a second finger made itself known. As those fingers scissored, Spock kept stroking Jim’s cock. Spock had long fingers, and Jim knew they weren’t as deep as they could be, so he tried to push back. Spock stopped stroking his cock to hold Jim on his pillow. The fingers in Jim crooked to stroke his prostate, and Jim relaxed, opening more to invite Spock in. He got a third finger and the other hand back on his cock and balls. His cock started to hurt, needing a final push, forcing his mouth to function. 

“Please Spock, I’m ready for you!” 

The fingers left, but Jim was pulled up to sit in Spock’s lap, pulled up to feel those ridges slide in. Both rubbed that bundle of nerves and Jim came, clenching on Spock inside him. Jim floated back down, trying to make the post orgasm bliss last as long as possible. Jim came every time he had sex, but had found very few partners who could make him finish this hard, make him feel this good. Though none of them had left fizzing liquids in him. 

Jim reached for his ass to get a sample of the fluid and encountered Spock’s thigh instead. Jim let both of his hands rub those thighs. 

“The bubbling sensation is baking soda and vinegar effect McCoy was talking about, not a product of my making.” 

“Good to know.” Jim whispered back in response to Spock’s voice whispering in his ear, Spock’s strong body holding him up. “Not that it’s bad, just doesn’t do much for me.” 

“Understandable.” 

“Lay down with me?” 

“Doctors orders are to remain upright for twenty minutes.” 

“Wanted to watch, but after seeing that he’d want to join in.” 

“If McCoy was interested in your anatomy, he would have found a way to apply the medicine himself.” 

“True, he is smarter than he acts.” Jim started to chuckle, but in a flash of understanding he knew every step of McCoy’s plan. Jim was up and pacing in an instant. “That son of a bitch! Can you believe him? Of course he could come up with a better solution; all that option one stuff was just to make this sound reasonable, all of it to trick me in to admitting I love you!” 

“Is that the truth?” 

“I know it is, part of his ‘shit or get off the pot’ philosophy. Wouldn’t let me make myself worthy of you and find my own way to tell you. No, not Bones ‘I know best for the entire universe’ McCoy!” When Jim turned at the end of his room, Spock was blocking his path. Jim vented his anger while pointing a finger at Spock. “He knows I behave better when I’m trying to impress you, so he wants us to get together!” 

“Why do you feel you need to further impress me?” 

Only the last bit of that sentence penetrated Jim’s anger, but it was enough. “Further impress you?” 

“You are a very impressive individual.” 

“How impressive?” 

“Impressive enough that I hope McCoy was correct in his assessment of your feelings.” 

“That is significant, you agreeing with…” Jim trailed off. “You mean about the being in love with you part?” 

“Yes.” 

“Yes.” 

Spock leaned in to kiss Jim, pulling their bodies together, letting Jim feel him harden. Jim leaned against the wall and hooked his leg around Spock’s lean waist. Spock seemed to know what to do, hands finding Jim’s ass and starting to fit them together, but stopped and stepped back. 

“Spock?” Jim hated how pathetic he sounded, but cheered up when he saw Spock grabbing the lube. “Forget that, I’m still loose.” 

“The wax prevents me from fully penetrating you.” 

“Then pile it on and get back here!” 

Spock did as commanded, not wasting time on words, but Jim moved back to the bed. Jim was still loose enough to slide into, until Spock was stopped by the wax cap. The frustrated growl made Jim fully hard as he hugged Spock’s chest to his. Then it was rubbing, grinding, kissing, until Spock medicated Jim again. 

Jim road his orgasm until he was aware of being in Spock’s lap again. Sideways this time, head to Spock’s chest, Spock’s cock resting on Jim’s thigh. It was hard to focus, but that cock was worth the effort! Long, thick, extra veins Jim couldn’t wait to play with and moving sideways. Wait, moving sideways? 

“Spock, is your penis moving, sideways perhaps?” 

“It is simply seeking the moisture of you ejaculate. The head will absorb it, so the moisture is not lost.” 

“You’re not making it do that?” 

“Not consciously, but I can make it stop if it bothers you.” 

“It bothers me that I find it hot. Might be something wrong with me after all.” 

“Told him he was a pervert, but don’t listen to me.” 

Both Spock and Jim had frozen at the noise, but as the muttering continued they stood to look for the source. 

“I’m only a country doctor, what could I possibly know about reproduction.” 

Spock sat at Jim’s computer desk, and Jim saw a mental image of Bones digging in his black bag, the one he’d set in front of the monitor. 

“Computer, reset monitor to factory settings.” The computer responded, brightening the screen to show pasty white legs resting on a desk, under Bones’ startled face. 

Moving his legs, Bones plastered a grin on his face. “Jim, Spock! Why are you calling so late?” 

“Bones, you turned down the display on my monitor so I wouldn’t know it was on. Don’t lie to us.” 

“Well you wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t bumped the mute button. Plus, I wouldn’t have had to if you’d let me watch.” 

“I’d rather you found something else to jack off to!” Jim’s statement was punctuated by a loud, long fart. Jim covered his face with his hands before it was done, and wondered if he could really die of embarrassment. 

“So I take it my treatment is working.” Jim didn’t need to move his hands to know Bones was smirking. “So, Spock. Are a matter of scientific inquiry, can I see your cock seek fluids?” 

“No.” Spock said in an emotionless voice, and shut off the monitor before Bones could protest. Then his hands were caressing Jim, inviting Jim to caress him back. Jim did, but also buried his face in Spock’s neck. 

“I’m sorry, I wanted our first time to be special.” 

“The beginning does not necessarily establish the ending.” 

“So we can have a happy ending?” 

“Not if we never let our love affair end.” 

“Spock, that is indeed, the most logical way to a really happy ending.” Jim uncurled, and pulled Spock into a kiss. “Best birthday ever!” 

“Yet, Jim. Best birthday yet.”

**J <3S **


End file.
